**2020 WINS** Falling Deeply In Love ~Marie‘s gorgeous story
“I fell so deeply in love this year.
I wasn’t expecting to. I didn’t plan to. This has been a year of the unexpected, the unplanned.
My year actually started with death – I lost my precious cat Jack. And the grief was greater than any I’ve ever experienced before. And that signifies a great and deep love. After a period of grief, I adopted two sister kittens (when I only planned on one) and I love them deeply. They bring me joy every day – and many shenanigans! I love how they love each other. I love their quirks and chirps and cuddles and their soft fur. So much!!
I also developed a long distance friendship that, for me, grew into love. I felt connected with this person in all the ways possible, which until then, I wasn’t sure was actually possible for me. Right before I was going to tell this person how I felt about them (which I was still navigating), they asked for some space, then drew away altogether. I felt confused, angry, unwanted, hurt, and grieved for what I thought could have been. And while allowing myself to feel how I felt (and still feel), I am also grateful. To know that it is possible. To have had this experience. To be more open to experiences like this. And to gain a sense of what I desire. I fell in love with love, how I give love, and how I want to receive love. Which is lovely.
Then there are the other people in my life. This year has taught me how important connection is. Whatever it looks like. My precious family – my niece’s smile, my nephew’s laugh, my parents’ unconditional love. My sisters’ humor. I appreciate it all and have fallen more in love with them than ever. The same goes for my friends. The ones who listen without judgement, who support me no matter what, who send virtual hugs, who send me corny jokes to make me laugh, who help me grow. Who grow alongside me. I love them oh so much.
But honestly and most importantly, I have fallen deeply in love with myself. Which was also unplanned and unexpected, and the result of nonstop internal healing work. Not easy work. But so worth it. I’m so in love with myself. The person I was, the child within me is precious and deserves to be held and protected and loved. The person I am now, the body I have now, the thoughts and feelings I have now – I love all of it. And the person I will be tomorrow or ten minutes from now – I love her too. Because I am worthy of it. Because I am so incredibly loving and deserve that love myself. Not only is it POSSIBLE for me to be loved and to love – it is TRUE. Because while I do have love in the amazing people around me, I also know without a doubt that I will have love even if they are no longer there. Because the love I have for myself is growing every day. It’s rooting and reaching into every corner of my being. And it’s not going anywhere.
I find myself smiling more, talking gently to myself, hugging myself, singing to myself, cheering myself on, loving my body, nourishing my body, blessing myself. Allowing myself things I desire. And soothing myself while allowing and honoring any feelings that come up. While I didn’t exactly plan or expect this incredible blossoming, I also know it’s a gift I worked hard for and I’m so grateful to myself for where I am on this journey.
Sending love to all of you. Let’s give ourselves a lovely hug. On the count of three. One. Two. Three!! Self hug!”
Thank you so much for sharing your gorgeous soul with us, Marie!