Stop setting goals 300x300 - Why people teaching goal setting makes me a bit ragey //
Now, to be clear, I don’t get ragey at the people who are teaching it – we are all just trying to help others in the best way that we can.
I get ragey at the construct that keeps us trapped in an illusion which constantly feeds and fuels our perpetual sense of failure and inadequacy. And I keep seeing posts and emails that are encouraging people to goal plan for 2021 and I’m like “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”
Let me ‘splain.
What is a goal?
A goal is a thing that we create in our minds that we want to achieve.
Some common properties of a goal:
  • It is usually something that we have heard someone else has done (thereby creating INSTANT comparison related anxiety)
  • It is imaginary
  • It is usually something that we cannot control and yet build a belief structure around our idea that we CAN control it
  • For decades, we have been taught that it must be smart:
  • Specific (confining)
  • Measurable (too focused on the material properties, and completely ignores the myriad of immeasurable benefits)
  • Achievable (based on comparison, OR even worse, based on what you believe you are capable of, which is usually FAR LESS than what you are actually capable of)
  • Realistic (what? According to whom???)
  • Time sensitive (our BIGGEST problem with the whole goal setting concept)
SO….. this practice that we are doing CONSTANTLY and repeating and teaching and getting other people to do, in reality, goes like this:
  1. Pick an imaginary goal
  2. Convince yourself that you are in control of factors outside of yourself that will take you to that goal e.g. such as people saying YES to you
  3. Demand that your imaginary goal be reached within the amount of time that YOU have dictated (what?! Where did we even get the idea that we can control time and the circumstances around it?)
  4. Ignore your basic human needs like rest, fun, love, play, connection, eating well in order to strive VERY hard towards this imaginary goal
  5. When you start falling short of your timeline, adjust your behavior (less rest, more money spent, less connection time etc) to convince yourself even MORE that you have control of factors outside of yourself (along with dealing with huge waves of shame and guilt)
YIKES!!!
Not to mention the emotional and physical side effects from striving towards that goal. (I could go on, obvi 😂)
Bottom line: When we are striving and pushing towards a goal we are conditioned to feel GUILTY for living. And we become SO JUDGEY of other people who are.
I could literally teach a 12 week class on how destructive this process is to the psyche and what to do instead… and I might, but not today 😂
💔 I can’t tell you how much it broke my heart this year, to work with my clients who had elaborately planned their goals for 2020, only to have them IMMEDIATELY derailed with a global epidemic and multiple other enormous and important social causes for freedom and justice.
💔And then broke my heart EVEN MORE, when they beat themselves, whipped themselves, shamed themselves for being inadequate because they were struggling mentally and emotionally through all of the unexpected turmoil and were straying from their plan. 💔💔💔💔💔
EVEN WHEN THEY HAD RECORD MONTHS AND YEAR IN BUSINESS. THEY STILL BEAT THEMSELVES UP FOR NOT FOLLOWING THE PLAN.
FUCK MAN. 🤦‍♀️
And then I read something telling someone to go plan their goals for 2021?!? FUCK no! Was anyone paying attention?
Here are some simple truths, petal, that I think could guide you better than goal setting:
#1 There is a large something going on that you are a part of, but you don’t have all the puzzle pieces. You won’t see the whole picture, only glimpses to help you make sense of your piece. Stop trying to figure the WHOLE THING out. Your human brain can’t contain it (YET!)
#2 With that in mind, we are all kind of waiting around for the next instructions to answer the question “What do I do?”. That comes primarily from intuition, but also in clues all around us, from psychics etc. As your intuition develops, your clues will lessen.
#3 You’ve got a fuck ton of healing to do (ask me how I know 😂). The more you heal the limitations you’re placing on yourself, the inadequacies you feel, the co-dependencies you have on people, material goods, money or substances, the more you’ll be able to firmly stand in your own sovereignty, and demand honor and respect from those who interact with you. The more you’ll be able to receive. The more you’ll be able to ask for.
#4 The more you heal, the more you will trust. The more content you will be. The more you will show up in each moment of living, rather than counting down to the next big THING. The more you will appreciate. The less things will rock you off course. The better you will handle the zombie apocalypse.
#5 The more you trust, the more you will be able to loosen the reigns and let go of control. When you let go of control, the river of abundance and infinite resources will be able to easily lift you into quantum shifts of exponential growth and experience. (This is otherwise known as surrender)
#6 When you have effortless access to infinite resource (aka everything you could possibly want and need), you will be able to show up even MORE present. Do even MORE good. Heal even MORE. Help even more. BE YOU EVEN MORE.
#7 Rinse and repeat. You will magnetize more and more and more.
You are allowed to ask for what you want, what you need and what you desire.
So ask.
And then get out of the way and listen to how you get those things. Because what if what the universe has planned for you in 2021 in 100x more than what you could possibly imagine?!?!?!?!
PLEASE, stop committing yourself to goals.
It dishonors the part of your journey you are in – what if you are in an incubation period and yet ignore that and still try to push and force.
It ignores the cycles of nature and energy
It suffocates the need to express freely, creatively and sometimes with reckless abandon
It shames the new parents, with children under 5 years old, who have no energy left but are still reaching for this imaginary “goal” anyway
It pushes down and pushes back the important healing that needs to be completed, to elevate you to the next level.
☹️ Don’t we have enough inadequacy that we are dealing with already? Do we HAVE to falsely create MORE?
☹️ Don’t we already feel as if we are behind the eight ball, falling short, falling behind, losing the pack? That we already aren’t in the secret club that has all the answers.
I can tell you that every time I have hit $100K whether in a year or in a month I couldn’t have planned or predicted it.
So what IS the thing then? You know you can’t just sit on your sofa and hope for your desired life to come and knock at your door (or can’t you?! 😉)
SURRENDER! Fucking let go of trying to control everything around you and the way your life unfolds.
You are here for a reason – I KNOW you know that. And it’s not a thing you have to go out and LOOK for.
You are already it.
If you are going to set ONE intention for 2021, make it this:
“I magnetize the people, resources and healings that crack off all the bullshit that tells me what I’m SUPPOSED to be, and focus on finding who I am. ACTUALLY.
I focus on becoming SO MUCH ME, that I magnetize everything I desire to me in it’s own right timing”
And let that be it. And for the rest of it… JUST LIVE.
Happy New Year, sweetness. 2021 is coming up all YOU!
You’ve got this! 💜